My chair vibrates to the happy union of wicker and human. If this is ‘extreme sensory cinema’, I’m here for it

I don’t typically spend my Monday evenings gripping the armrest of a vibrating chair while surrounded by more than 100 strangers laughing uncontrollably in the dark.

Still, deep down, I always knew the day would come when I’d be obliged to sacrifice the pleasure of BBC quiz night – “We’ll have the twisted flax, please, Victoria” – for a mechanical contraption timed to match the pelvic movements of Alexander Skarsgard. That’s just journalism.

Two months ago I specified in this column that I prefer my cinema seats to be vibration-free. I now wish to retract that blanket statement. I was speaking as someone who suffers from motion sickness and doesn’t enjoy surprises so had yet to succumb to the “extreme sensory cinema” that is Cineworld’s 4DX format. I was a 4DX virgin, my mind closed to the, ahem, creative possibilities of moving seats.

The catalyst for my enlightenment, as anyone with solid algorithmic preferences or well-informed offline friends will have guessed, was the chatter about Wicker. A fantasy romance set in a medieval English village, the film stars Olivia Colman as the Fisherwoman, a spinster who reacts to being single-shamed in the only sensible fashion: by asking the Basketmaker (Peter Dinklage) to weave her a husband.

A finely crafted, ultrasincere specimen known only as the Wicker Husband (Skarsgard) shows up a month later, and they begin a relationship so loving and equal that it leaves the comically hapless married couples in the village jealous, resentful and insecure.

The film, directed by the husband-and-wife team of Alex Huston Fischer and Eleanor Wilson and adapted from a story by Ursula Wills, is an untaxing fable about the perils of conformity, low expectations and flammable materials.

On paper, this isn’t ideal content for 4DX’s “feel every moment” treatment. Part cinema, part amusement ride, the multisensory format introduces effects such as water spray, wind, scents and strobe lighting into auditoriums where augmented seats are programmed to shake, rattle and roll in sync with events on screen.

Wicker has no tornadoes (Twisters), dinosaurs (The End of Oak Street) or aerial acrobatics (Spider-Man: Brand New Day). For what could it possibly need 4DX?

Everybody in the cinema knew. It wasn’t the drop of water that landed on our faces as the Fisherwoman emptied her chamber pot. It wasn’t the chair-tilting as she made her trek to the Basketmaker. It wasn’t the mildly disconcerting pokes in our backrests as inebriated villagers threw punches.

The word was that the seat motion for Wicker’s marriage-consummation scene would be vigorous enough to send popcorn flying. Clearly, a thorough investigation by The Irish Times was required to independently confirm this.

It began, as these things tend to do, with a stirring. This creak of willow was reflected in the abrupt rumbling of our chairs. The Fisherwoman seemed quite pleased by developments, and she and the Wicker Husband fell in unison on to her bed. The 4DX chairs got frisky in sympathy, their thrusts accelerating and growing more pronounced. Laughter escalated to a full gale.

If anyone parted company with their snacks, I didn’t spot it, as I was too busy clutching my armrest and wishing I’d opted for more supportive clothing – something with a bit of compression. Frankly, when I’m deciding what to wear to the cinema, I worry about the unpredictable temperature. I don’t tend to linger on whether or not I need a sports bra.

The jostling continued in tandem with the happy union of wicker and human until the Fisherwoman’s bed broke, by which point the audience, mostly young women, were lost to hilarity. An encore followed, once again redefining the term “motion picture”, then joyless villagers had perfunctory relations for which the chairs barely shuddered.

At the end, the residual goodwill was enough to elicit applause from the audience, who I’m fairly sure were there for some knowingly ridiculous fun, not vicarious thrills. Either way, it was my giddiest cinema experience since someone sneezed during A Quiet Place.

Almost like a proper journalist, I have questions, and not just the usual one about whether the cost of my ticket can be expensed. Should there be an Oscar for best 4DX effects? Did this release really come about organically thanks to jokey social-media demand? Is Wicker better than Hamnet?

And, most importantly for the future of entertainment, is this a one-night stand – a wicker novelty – or the start of a new 4DX sex era? Over to Regal Theaters, the American chain that shares a parent company with Cineworld, for its answer. Next week it plans to show two episodes of a certain Canadian ice-hockey series in the format.

[ ‘It’s important for ice hockey players to be clean!’ I jot down during Heated Rivalry’s shower sceneOpens in new window ]

The bad news for fans of Heated Rivalry is that the chosen episodes are relatively tame. The good news for Skarsgard – half-man, half-basket – and Colman, his fellow pioneer, is that Wicker is still showing in 4DX.

Please don’t tell Liveline about any of this.