Loving someone with dementia is hilarious and heartbreaking in new show

As Kamarra Bell-Wykes's mother's dementia worsened, the playwright began developing what would eventually become Melbourne Theatre Company's latest play, Before I Forget.

The Yagera/Badtjala/Butchulla theatre-maker's mother was Jeanie Bell, a prominent Aboriginal linguist and academic who played a critical role in language reclamation. She has since passed, but her presence looms large in the play. 

"Sometimes I could just hear mum talking to me as I was writing," Bell-Wykes tells ABC News.

The story centres on three women: Faith (Roxanne McDonald), based on her mother; Faith's daughter Karma (Melodie Reynolds-Diarra); and her granddaughter, Hope (Tyallah Bullock). 

The names poetically hint at their character arcs and mirror the intergenerational connection between Bell-Wykes, her mother and her daughter.

Translating personal truth into fiction

Bell-Wykes brought together a trusted team of creatives on stage and behind the scenes to add a familial feel to the production. McDonald, who plays Faith, knew Dr Jeanie Bell and translated some of her mannerisms into the character.

"When you're an actor, you study people, whether you do it in a conscious or unconscious way," says McDonald.

"Jeanie just embodied the community and took everyone in. I just remember her laugh. It brings back all these beautiful fond memories back for me."

Bell-Wykes also has long-standing friendships with Reynolds-Diarra and frequent creative collaborator Carly Shepherd, who is the assistant director.

She candidly admits directing was a "black-mirror experience"; she had to be well past her grieving process to enter that metaphorical and physical space. 

Despite the play grappling with death, Bell-Wykes found ways to inject humour into the dialogue; her mother's larger-than-life personality provided ample material for laughs.

"Particularly for Blackfullas, humour is a natural part of our communities, our lives. We use it as a survival mechanism; we are naturally funny people," Bell-Wykes remarks.

"Dementia is a hilarious, heartbreaking disease."

The challenge was to navigate how much of her own personal truth to embed into the characters and stories, and what aspects to dramatise, while still making it feel authentic.

"How do you protect the people that are passed and are still alive, while also telling a good story? It's been a very slow, careful process," Bell-Wykes says.

Matriarchy, motherhood and preserving legacy for future generations

Jeanie Bell's significant legacy in preserving Aboriginal language is imbued through integrating Butchulla and Gubbi Gubbi dialogue in the play. 

Reynolds-Diarra describes the impact of Dr Bell's work on future generations with admiration, ensuring the community could proudly speak their language on Country again.

"She was more than just the typical matriarch of the family; she was also preparing her community with tools that could help them in the whiter societies," says Reynolds-Diarra.

"My mum's legacy does exist in a written form, and I have been reconnecting with my matriarchal knowledge through the process of this play," Bell-Wykes shares.

Since colonisation, Aboriginal women have been essential to keeping families together and on Country, which can also be a source of intergenerational trauma. 

When mothers pass away, families can drift apart. Grandmothers also play a pivotal role in raising children, with Bullock, McDonald and Reynolds-Diarra noting the influence this had on their upbringing.

"I think within that direct lineage from the grandmother to the grandchild, there's something that's passed down specifically through that; I suppose it's the strength," says Reynolds-Diarra.

"Even with my mum being passed away, she is now teaching me language and teaching my daughter," says Bell-Wykes.

Bullock notes the role that Elders play in communities, particularly in relation to younger generations — represented in the character of Hope.

"It's taking authority of your culture and actually embodying it, finding ways that you've grown up knowing about it, but then taking courage and steps to actually go beyond that, follow your ancestors," says Bullock.

An Indigenous play with a universal story

Caring is a core part of the story, and the cyclical nature of it. How do you care for the ones that once cared for us? Despite the play focusing on an Aboriginal family, the universal themes of mothers and daughters, as well as loss, will connect to audiences from all walks of life.

"This play is about our daughters becoming our mothers and our mothers becoming our daughters. But that's also part of our kinship systems. Our grandmothers come back as our grandchildren … even though our little ones are there to learn from us, they are also there to teach us," says Bell-Wykes.

"This is a universal story about love and acceptance and forgiveness; of death, and celebrating the lives that we have and always taking that knowledge with us."

Bell-Wykes responds directly when asked how her play will take audiences on an unforgettable emotional journey.

"Get 'em laughing, punch 'em in the guts."

Before I Forget is at Melbourne Theatre Company until November 28.